“Mom. Four. Scissors.”
Oh, no! This is not how I had planned to be awaken this morning. What could this mean?
Let’s think about this. First, scissors. Madison thinks that scissors can be used for all sorts of things. They are like magic. When you get a bruise or scrap on your arm or leg, he thinks “scissors” can get rid of them. The tags in your clothes, the answer is “scissors”. Now that he is fifteen, noticing the hairs on his arms can be cause for a shout out.
One of the latest episodes, (I am using episodes as in the sense of a sit-com) was when he wanted to do some genetic-engineering on his Teletubbies. For several days he had been asking us to cut their faces off. Not wanting to destroy something he loves, and that are becoming harder and harder to find, we kept ignoring him or putting him off. Madison will not be ignored. And like an elephant, he does not forget.
One day Vickie gave in and cut the face off one of the “Tubs”. That was not all; he brought her another one, this one with a lighter colored face. He had a plan. Now that she had started, she cut that one off, also. Then Madison had her tape the faces on the other bodies. There, genetic-engineering. And he was quite happy and did not bring it up again. Huh?
So, what are we in for this morning? We do know that four means his stuffed “Tubs”, of which he has 13, but he has four special ones. And woe be unto you if you pick the wrong ones. Did I tell you they are all the same size? Elmo has been let into the circle, but he still calls the five “four”. Some days we will see one of them, usually Dipsy, the green one, placed just outside his door as if it is in time out. Seems you have to follow the rules. Often we go places with the five stuffed in a bag, Tinky-Winky on top and peeking out.
We had packed up to go to the beach some months back and had six of the Teletubbies in the car. Madison did not want to leave and tried to take the car out of gear when we left the driveway. I was fuming. I got him out of the car, brought him to his room, and he got the other Teletubbies. He then very politely got back into the car and sung while we drove down the highway. I feel bad wanting to “wring his neck” when he is merrily singing “Joy to the World”.
Madison can be tough on his “friends”. While at the beach, he took two of the Teletubbies out and threw them in a mud puddle. I started to have a conniption, but then remembered; one of his videos shows the Teletubbies stepping in a mud puddle. And just like them, he was laughing when they went in.
So, in Madison-speech, it seems like he wants the scissors for the Teletubbies. Vickie nervously takes a pair of scissors back to his room. Yes, it is Teletubbie surgery that is needed. But this time it is to cut the antennae off Tinky-Winky’s head. (What do they need them for anyway?) Vickie told him that surgery will have to be put off until another day. We’ll see what happens but at least we are trying. We would hate for the SPCA to get us for cruelty to Teletubbies.
And for the record, I do not know the genders of the “Tubbies” or the proper anatomical names of their parts. They are made-up aliens. If you see anything more in them, (Mr. Falwell) please get a life. To my son, they are, and have always been, his best friends. With whom he has no communication barriers. Maybe I can learn from them?